something you should know

something you should know about me is that i have many very important duties

for one thing i have to protect my mama from squirrels and for another i have to keep an eye on papa at all times in case he decides to go away and he forgets that he should never do that without taking me and mama with him too

as if that were not enough i also have to help keep the shoe population around the house in check

you would not believe how they proliferate especially my mama's

sometimes they are out of control and you find a rogue pair lying around under a table or something and you have to neutralize them like for example today my mama's favorite sneakers

they were just lying there all morning not taking me for walks so you know they were up to no good

i am very helpful

rain is when

rain is when you get wet and you didn't even roll in a puddle or anything

it is very unpleasant

sometimes it only rains on this one house on our street in a bizarre natural phenomenon known as Sprinklers but other times like yesterday and the day before that it rains on the whole world

today it's not raining and i showed my mama my new favorite game which is called Running Up the Mountain

mama says peoples prefer to stay on the trail and not run straight up a gigantic vertical incline through trees and prickly bushes and i say it sounds like peoples are missing the whole point of having a mountain at all

when you get to the top you can play my other favorite game, Running Down the Mountain

the mountain is right in the middle of squirrel country and those squirrels i am telling you they are so sneaky

they run toward trees and DISAPPEAR i am so serious

in my dreams i run up the mountain and down the mountain and up the mountain and down the mountain and i am so fast i catch all the squirrels and the peoples they can finally live in peace

have you ever seen

have you ever seen the beach? it is this crazy place where THE WATER MOVES AT YOU

i went there today and my papa and me we went wading







wading is very refreshing but you gotta keep an eye on those waves

they just keep coming

we live in canadia

we live in canadia now

and at our new house instead of a Back Yard we have a Golf Course and a Nature Trail

a Nature Trail is where you walk on a leash and it smells like a million new things

and there are squirrels and black squirrels and really big black squirrels and joggers and walkers and strollers and bikers and deer and goldfinches and noises and waterfalls and a dead groundhog and most of all chipper-monks

so you have to stay alert at all times or as mama says Too Excited To Pee

a Golf Course is a huuuuuuuuuge lawn where you go at night and run around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around

and around and around and around and around

and there are nighttime birds called Bats that go cccccriiiiick crikcrikcrik

mama says we like Bats because they eat skitos but i like them because they are there and then they aren't

i like our new house except when mama and papa leave me alone in it

then it's still a little scary

oh my god

oh my god in buffaloes they have the craziest squirrels

they are called BUNNIES

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

mama and papa

mama and papa have lost their minds

they took all the furniture outside and now they're giving it away to strange peoples

and they woke up when it was still nighttime to do it

and it is saturday

they are suffering from the disturbing condition known as yard sale

and they better not give away my bed

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

ATTENTION

ATTENTION

THIS IS A SQUIRREL ALERT CODE RED

REPEAT

SQUIRREL ALERT CODE RED

MY MAMA AND ME WE TOOK AN EARLY MORNING WALK AND THEY ARE EVERYWHERE

YOU HEAR ME? EV. ER. EE. WHERE.

IF YOU GO OUTSIDE PLEASE EXERCISE EXTREME VIGILANCE

IF YOU SEE ANY OF THE FOLLOWING:

• TWITCHY TAILS


• BEADY EYES


• SUDDEN, DARTING MOVEMENTS IN, UP, TOWARD, OR AROUND TREES

YOU MAY BE IN THE VICINITY OF A SQUIRREL

IF YOU WITNESS OR SUSPECT ANY SQUIRREL ACTIVITY, BARK IMMEDIATELY AND LOUDLY

THIS IS NOT A TEST