snow

snow is when all the smells in the world are buried under the white and the cold



to find them you have to be very clever and dig little holes and put your nose in the holes and sometimes your whole head and kind of snorfle around to see where those smells are hiding



peoples are not so good at snorflings because their noses are too far away from the ground so they have to do shovelings instead and that is not nearly as satisfying

snow makes everything strange for example sometimes it can be very difficult to know where to poop

it makes my mama and my papa a little sad* so i have to work extra hard to make sure everything is okay

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*Note from Daisy's mama: Yesterday, my mother-in-law passed away following a sudden and unexpected illness. Daisy Mae, always sensitive to our feelings, has been especially attentive, staying close and licking up lots of tears. I don't know how we'd do this without her.

my mama

my mama is not feeling too good today

she wouldn't get up or dressed or go on walks or anything, she just ate about nine breakfasts and they were all soup

and then she had to take a bath

i sat on the bathmat the whole time so she wouldn't be scareded

we were very brave

a special skill

a special skill that i have is being able to do many important things at the same time

it is called puppytasking because peoples cannot do it

i know this because in the evening my mama says no jumping around now daisy we are watching a movie or my papa says please chew on your toy daisy and stop bothering me

as if all of these things could not happen simultaneously

now my mama and me we have a new game called jogging

jogging is a kind of walks in which there is no sniffing no pooping no squirrel-stalking no peeing and no playing with sticks

it is very good for peoples because it is very simple

but it is not so much fun

time

time is peoples for something i do not understand

like sometimes i want to go on my walks and my papa says daisy mae give me some time

and i do not have any

my mama says that is because puppies live in a binary world of happening and not-happening but that peoples have all this stuff in between which is time

time is hard to find because it has no smells but i think it lives in the computer and the teevees

there is a mice

there is a mice that lives in the kitchen

it is in a lot of troubles because it has been eating the people food and that is very very bad

like last week it nibbled a pizza that my papa had just taken out of the oven and one time i got in terrible trouble just for sniffing my mama's pizza

i asked my mama what our strategerie was about the mice and she said diplomacy is always the right approach and i said what does that mean and she said it means the next time i see the mice i am going to give it a stern talking-to and i said a talking-to about what and she said ABOUT ITS IMMINENT DEATH

and that is why you never go near my mama's pizza

part of my job

part of my job as an antelopelologist is to study the languages of foreign creatures

squirrels do not have much to say maybe because their mouths are always full of haycorns

one explanation is that they have no language but this to me seems unlikely because then how could they plot collectively against the general wellbeing of others

i believe that they withhold their language from us as part of their general sneakiness

chippermonks on the other hand are quite talkative

today on my walks i saw a building with vines all over it and the vines were moving and i walked up to them and put my nose in them and there was a chippermonk in there! and it said WEEEEEEEET weetweetweetweet which i take to mean "hello daisy mae i am a chippermonk" and then there were MORE chippermonks in there and they said WEEEETWEEEET weetweetweet WEEEEEEEEEEEEET which can only mean "we are chippermonks and we are in these vines and you found us daisy mae because you are the most cleverest puppy"

now that i speak chippermonk if i can only find the Rosetta Bone with chippermonk, peoples, and squirrel i will know what those squirrels are saying about me

my research

my research on squirrels has entered a new stage 

the first stage was largely bile-logical which is the science of opening squirrels up to see what's inside* 

but my mama said maybe i could take a more antelope-logical approach which is when you study the behaviors of squirrels when they are alive and uneated and this way you can find out where all their crazy squirrel ideas come from 

one thing i have observed is that squirrel culture is organized around the obsessive collection of haycorns 

so when i am in the field which is peoples for when an antelope-lologist goes on her walks i like to stop and investigate the haycorns which come from the sidewalk underneath the tree by the playground 

then i like to carry one or two haycorns around for a while to try to see the world through a squirrel's eyes but without taking the eyes out of a squirrel 

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*feetsnote: so named because the old greek hippo Crates said that squirrels are full of yellow bile which is the stuff inside them that makes them so disagreeable