i have no one to play with

i have no one to play with since

i killded Lobster

i shredded Squirrel

i unstuffed Hedgehog

i gutted Pheasant

i ate Mallard's face off

i disemboweled Blue Heron and saved his legs for a while and then unraveled them until they were gone too

i tore off Raccoon's tail and turned him inside out

i chewed off Rabbit's ears and pulled his guts out of his neck

i removed Octopus's legs

i dismembered Blue Lobster

i declawed Trayf

and i plucked Duck's innards out of his butt



Me and Hedgehog and Squirrel and Trayf in happier times




Me and Duck




Pulling Rabbit's insides out of his head




I love Duck!




Look what you have in your butt, Duck!




Uh oh—Mama, all of Duck's insides came out of his butt.

mama and papa don't approve

mama and papa don't approve of any of my games

these days it's all daisy mae don't eat books or daisy mae don't eat dvds or daisy mae get your nose out of the people food or daisy mae barking at the dogs next door is not a fun game

and i'm like but mama barking at the dogs next door IS a fun game

but it doesn't matter she never listens

yesterday i went to doggie daycare and saw all my friends and when i came home papa said oh my god daisy you have a gaping wound in your cheek and i said oh that's nothing papa my friends and i were just playing Bite Each Other In The Face today

but he and mama went and freaked out and talked to val who said that i am a big fan of Bite Each Other In The Face and they've been keeping an eye on me

mama said daisy mae i know you don't mind when other dogs Bite You In The Face but other dogs don't like it when you Bite Them In The Face which is just her way of saying yet again that something that is very fun isn't fun

the only one who understands me these days is octopus

he lets me bite him in the face all day long

mama says

mama says i have entered adolescence

i have been in a certain spirit lately that i like to call "exploratory" or "curious" or "actively engaged in the world"

mama calls it "testing my boundaries" or "trying her patience" or "wantonly destroying everything in my path"

for example yesterday i ate a very interesting book called the ballad of dingus magee and when mama and papa found me they were maaaad

papa said NO EATING BOOKS IN THIS HOUSE! which i find confusing because we are a very literary family

so later i tried to make amends by writing a new book for the library but i ended up just eating a whole pen because they are not well designed for canine usage and then i puked up ink all over the study floor

i could have taken it in a pollockian direction from there but mama chased me into the backyard and papa mopped it all up

i feel they do not quite understand my vision so i worked all night on deconstructing my bed by which i mean i painstakingly chewed a hole in it and tore out all the stuffing

this morning when mama came out for her shower i said SURPRISE I INVERTED THE BED PARADIGM and she turned around and went back to bed

you'll notice

you'll notice i haven't posted for a while because i have been sooooooo busy

for example i went to crossett to visit my cousins blizzie and max and we ran around and chased cows and then on the drive back the car got sick because the engine exploded and my papa had to push it to a gas station and my mama and i had to sit in starbucks for hours and hours and then grandpa and uncle ryan came and picked us up in a big truck and i got to ride in the back and i slept all the way home

and the car died and we never saw it again

now we have a big truck

and then my mama and papa had to go to new york city to get married so i would no longer be a puppy out of wedlock and i got to go to the doggie dude ranch for ten days

the doggie dude ranch is where you go out to the country and run around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and then it's ten days later and you go home and take a long nap

i made friends with a great dane who they say can chase down a deer which means he can run fast but i can run just as fast and no one can believe it ooooooooh i absolutely love running

when my mama got home she gave me kisses and told me i am a big muscle with fur and ears

that means she loves me

tonight my papa had a meeting so my mama and i invented a new game where i disembowel my squirrel and scatter all its stuffing around the kitchen floor and my mama says daisy mae i'm trying to cook dinner and i run around and get my new raccoon and she says you're making an awful mess and sighs and gets the broom and sweeps all the squirrel guts up into a big pile and i run through it with my raccoon and she screams and throws the raccoon into the next room and sweeps up again and i get my raccoon and run through the pile again and roll around a bit and she throws the raccoon into the other room and i get my raccoon and also my chipmunk and also my big red ball with the disgusting smelly rope and i carry them all at the same time into the kitchen and we all roll around in the pile of stuffing and mama chases us around which is lots of fun especially when says bad words because the frittata is burning

i love my raccoon and my chipmunk and my ball and my mama

also i love to sleep in my own bed

on tuesday evenings

on tuesday evenings i go to obedience school at the canine connection

school is where you get treats for sitting and walking around and i must say i believe i am excelling

before school i go to doggie daycare because otherwise i am too ADD to learn anything my mama says

doggie daycare is where there are all kinds of puppies and you run around and around and around and around and around and take a nap and run around and around and around and around and around some more and then val gives you a cookie because you are "miss congeniality" which means the best

my mama says i'm not so congenial when i am being destructive for example when i ate her favorite silver sandals last week

she said daisy mae can you tell me why i love you so much when all you do is destroy the things i love and i said because mama i am in the words of henry james an imperturbable little prodigy of delightful loveable goodness and she said yep that's it

and i got another cookie

i am

i am daisy mae

i am a LION HOUND

the other day at the park a nice peoples told me that i was a rhodesian ridgeback and my mama and papa looked that up and found all kinds of puppies on the computer that look like me DAISY MAE

like this one which has my chest and my toes and my tail and my ears and my nose and my body:



and here is me:



and here is me battling the wild dogs next door:



and here is me looking adorable:



wikipedia says:

The Rhodesian Ridgeback is a dog breed indigenous to Southern Africa. Its European forebears can be traced to the early pioneers of the Cape Colony of southern Africa, who crossed their dogs with the semi-domesticated, ridged hunting dogs of the Khoisan people (referred to by the colonists as "Hottentots").

In the earlier parts of its history, the Rhodesian Ridgeback has also been known as Van Rooyen's Lion Dogs, the African Lion Hound or African Lion Dog—Simba Inja in Ndebele, Shumba Imbwa in Shona—because of their ability to harass a lion and keep it at bay while awaiting their master to make the kill.

i said hey mama that's what i've been doing with kitty! and she said this is not the savannah and there is no hunting kitty

so i've been practicing on the peoples who come to the house instead

also this means i am african american like my aunt shelia and my mama says that's why i'm so pretty

which i am

also i started obedience school and this week i've been practicing responding to my own name

i am very good at it especially when there are treats involved and my mama says i'm a good althusserian subject

plus i has a heritage

kf-in-georgia asks

kf-in-georgia asks if i've been up to something and i have! my mama and papa went away for the weekend and i stayed at the kennel with all the other puppies until my aunt shelia picked me up and the lady told her i was a "wild woman" which is peoples for awesome

i'm told the kennel is practice for the doggie dude ranch

here's what i love

when my mama and my papa come home and feed me treats on the couch

here's what else i love

kitty