i have no one to play with

i have no one to play with since

i killded Lobster

i shredded Squirrel

i unstuffed Hedgehog

i gutted Pheasant

i ate Mallard's face off

i disemboweled Blue Heron and saved his legs for a while and then unraveled them until they were gone too

i tore off Raccoon's tail and turned him inside out

i chewed off Rabbit's ears and pulled his guts out of his neck

i removed Octopus's legs

i dismembered Blue Lobster

i declawed Trayf

and i plucked Duck's innards out of his butt



Me and Hedgehog and Squirrel and Trayf in happier times




Me and Duck




Pulling Rabbit's insides out of his head




I love Duck!




Look what you have in your butt, Duck!




Uh oh—Mama, all of Duck's insides came out of his butt.

mama and papa don't approve

mama and papa don't approve of any of my games

these days it's all daisy mae don't eat books or daisy mae don't eat dvds or daisy mae get your nose out of the people food or daisy mae barking at the dogs next door is not a fun game

and i'm like but mama barking at the dogs next door IS a fun game

but it doesn't matter she never listens

yesterday i went to doggie daycare and saw all my friends and when i came home papa said oh my god daisy you have a gaping wound in your cheek and i said oh that's nothing papa my friends and i were just playing Bite Each Other In The Face today

but he and mama went and freaked out and talked to val who said that i am a big fan of Bite Each Other In The Face and they've been keeping an eye on me

mama said daisy mae i know you don't mind when other dogs Bite You In The Face but other dogs don't like it when you Bite Them In The Face which is just her way of saying yet again that something that is very fun isn't fun

the only one who understands me these days is octopus

he lets me bite him in the face all day long

mama says

mama says i have entered adolescence

i have been in a certain spirit lately that i like to call "exploratory" or "curious" or "actively engaged in the world"

mama calls it "testing my boundaries" or "trying her patience" or "wantonly destroying everything in my path"

for example yesterday i ate a very interesting book called the ballad of dingus magee and when mama and papa found me they were maaaad

papa said NO EATING BOOKS IN THIS HOUSE! which i find confusing because we are a very literary family

so later i tried to make amends by writing a new book for the library but i ended up just eating a whole pen because they are not well designed for canine usage and then i puked up ink all over the study floor

i could have taken it in a pollockian direction from there but mama chased me into the backyard and papa mopped it all up

i feel they do not quite understand my vision so i worked all night on deconstructing my bed by which i mean i painstakingly chewed a hole in it and tore out all the stuffing

this morning when mama came out for her shower i said SURPRISE I INVERTED THE BED PARADIGM and she turned around and went back to bed