my mama

my mama is not feeling too good today

she wouldn't get up or dressed or go on walks or anything, she just ate about nine breakfasts and they were all soup

and then she had to take a bath

i sat on the bathmat the whole time so she wouldn't be scareded

we were very brave

a special skill

a special skill that i have is being able to do many important things at the same time

it is called puppytasking because peoples cannot do it

i know this because in the evening my mama says no jumping around now daisy we are watching a movie or my papa says please chew on your toy daisy and stop bothering me

as if all of these things could not happen simultaneously

now my mama and me we have a new game called jogging

jogging is a kind of walks in which there is no sniffing no pooping no squirrel-stalking no peeing and no playing with sticks

it is very good for peoples because it is very simple

but it is not so much fun

time

time is peoples for something i do not understand

like sometimes i want to go on my walks and my papa says daisy mae give me some time

and i do not have any

my mama says that is because puppies live in a binary world of happening and not-happening but that peoples have all this stuff in between which is time

time is hard to find because it has no smells but i think it lives in the computer and the teevees

there is a mice

there is a mice that lives in the kitchen

it is in a lot of troubles because it has been eating the people food and that is very very bad

like last week it nibbled a pizza that my papa had just taken out of the oven and one time i got in terrible trouble just for sniffing my mama's pizza

i asked my mama what our strategerie was about the mice and she said diplomacy is always the right approach and i said what does that mean and she said it means the next time i see the mice i am going to give it a stern talking-to and i said a talking-to about what and she said ABOUT ITS IMMINENT DEATH

and that is why you never go near my mama's pizza

part of my job

part of my job as an antelopelologist is to study the languages of foreign creatures

squirrels do not have much to say maybe because their mouths are always full of haycorns

one explanation is that they have no language but this to me seems unlikely because then how could they plot collectively against the general wellbeing of others

i believe that they withhold their language from us as part of their general sneakiness

chippermonks on the other hand are quite talkative

today on my walks i saw a building with vines all over it and the vines were moving and i walked up to them and put my nose in them and there was a chippermonk in there! and it said WEEEEEEEET weetweetweetweet which i take to mean "hello daisy mae i am a chippermonk" and then there were MORE chippermonks in there and they said WEEEETWEEEET weetweetweet WEEEEEEEEEEEEET which can only mean "we are chippermonks and we are in these vines and you found us daisy mae because you are the most cleverest puppy"

now that i speak chippermonk if i can only find the Rosetta Bone with chippermonk, peoples, and squirrel i will know what those squirrels are saying about me

my research

my research on squirrels has entered a new stage 

the first stage was largely bile-logical which is the science of opening squirrels up to see what's inside* 

but my mama said maybe i could take a more antelope-logical approach which is when you study the behaviors of squirrels when they are alive and uneated and this way you can find out where all their crazy squirrel ideas come from 

one thing i have observed is that squirrel culture is organized around the obsessive collection of haycorns 

so when i am in the field which is peoples for when an antelope-lologist goes on her walks i like to stop and investigate the haycorns which come from the sidewalk underneath the tree by the playground 

then i like to carry one or two haycorns around for a while to try to see the world through a squirrel's eyes but without taking the eyes out of a squirrel 

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*feetsnote: so named because the old greek hippo Crates said that squirrels are full of yellow bile which is the stuff inside them that makes them so disagreeable

a dilemma

a dilemma is when you want things a certain way but something prevents that way of being how it is

the thing-that-prevents is known as an obstacle and it frequently takes the form of metal patches in the ground like this:



i do not like obstacles and i do not like to walk on them or even go near them

my mama says they are just-a-grates which is peoples for mamas can go near them without succumbing to the evil powers they exercise over puppies

the other night i had a dilemma when i was relaxing in the hallway with my ball and when that happens you have to growl at the obstacle for a while and then yell MAMA MAMA I HAVE A DILEMMA at which point she will stop watching her movie and come address your concerns which are this:



i think you see what i mean

my papa's job

my papa's job is being a freelance writer which is peoples for looking at the computer all the time

sometimes when you work from home like my papa and me other peoples think your job is not very strenuous but let me tell you that is simply not true

first we have to work on the laptop




then we have to work on the desktop



while my papa writes i spend some time on my bonework






and then we have to take a little nap



sometimes kitty helps with the editing





and sometimes we even work late into the night on the phone


being a writer is a lot like being a puppy in that your work is never really finished

science

science is when you want to know how something works

so you make up a Hippo Thesis about how it might work and then test it out with Speriments

for example i am very interested in knowing exactly what is so wrong with squirrels

there is obviously something evil in them

my Hippo Thesis is that maybe if you just give them a really good shake you can get the evil out and then they would be okay for friends

this one time i caught one and tried to Speriment it but it got broken so i ated it

you know you can be friends

you know you can be friends with peoples and puppies you have never even met

that is what the internets is for

one of my friends is a beagle named della mae who helps her mama Lady Buttons with her blog and and we have ever so much in common like our names and our mamas and our ears and being from the south and living in canadia and all kinds of things

her mama gave me a beautiful blogger award which is peoples for i love you in the internets

i am going to tell you seven things about me daisy mae that you maybe did not know

1. when i was littles i had a white spot between my eyes and a black tail but now i am all daisy-colored

2. i can show you the tree on the trail where the chipper-monks hide i swear

3. i don't like it so much when you touch my feets

4. this one time i ated a squirrel and it tasted like mischief

5. my favorite outside game is Running Away and my favorite inside game is Being Close

6. sometimes i dream there are bunnies in the house and i have to chase them in my sleep

7. i am told i am quite a snorer

one of my favorite games is sharing and i am sharing my award with these blogs:

Bookwagon: my mama's papa's favorite game is reading books
The Aunt-Ventures of L and Auntie She-She: we miss my auntie shelia who does not live in canadia with us
All Things Frau: my friend gobo is a kitty and his mama's blog makes my mama droolly
Running Is Optional: my friend zeus helps his mama read and run
Hero the Sharpei: hero is a puppy like me
My Life by Buster: buster is a puppy too
Daily Dose of Jack: jack is a puppy too

oooooh i absolutely love the internets

a garden

a garden is a very funny thing

sometimes you want to dig it up and then other times you do not want to dig it up

some things you want to make grow in it and other things you want to stop from growing in it

and then the plants that are "for eating" are the ones you are not allowed to eat

only my mama knows the exact rules

today after we gardened we read an exciting thriller full of suspense and intrigue

it is called The Tale of Peter Rabbit and it is about the ever-present bunny menace

stories are funny too because sometimes they confuse you about whose side you are on

imagination is when even though you do not want bunnies in your garden you do not really want Peter Rabbit to end up in a pie either

my mama says it is perfectly alright

cleaning

cleaning is when my mama and my papa spend the day undoing all the hard work i've done making everything in the house good and smelly

i suppose they do it to keep me busy but it still makes me a little sad

sometimes you can find a good pile of filth that has been swept together and lie down in it one last time

my mama says it is okay to be melancholy about change but in the end you have to let some things go

entertaining

entertaining is when peoples come to the house to see ME daisy mae and my papa makes them hamburgers

last night we entertained a new friend called disa

disa is a baby which is a cross between a peoples and a puppy

she does not like to play games but she is very good for sniffing so i let her sit in my spot on the couch

sometimes if you are very patient and very sneaky you can give her feet a good lick

my mama is in london

my mama is in london which is someplace where i cannot find her

she sent me this photo



i do not like london and i think she should come home

today

today is a special day for mamas so my mama and me we took an extra special walk over to the dog park and i was on my most bestest behavior

i only stole one other dog's ball and i only made my mama chase me for it a little bit

did you know that my mama also has a mama

at first i did not believe it either but now it makes sense

after all someone had to take my mama for walks when she was a puppy

when you dig

when you dig out back by yourself it is called destruction but when you and your mama and your papa all do it together it is called gardening

we live in a new house now and we have to make the back a vegetable garden



we spent all day pulling up plants and sniffing bugs



i thought maybe we could leave one little patch of grass which is very good for lying in



but we couldn't because in a vegetable garden everything must go

spring is a time

spring is a time of assessment when you have to do a lot of marking

my mama marks with a red pen and i mark with peeing

we are both conscientious and thorough

which is why at the end of the day we have to do extra relaxing which is peoples for sleeping on the couch with the tv on

peoples

peoples say the strangest things

for example on our nighttime walks sometimes my mama says "cmon daisy less sniffing more pooping"

it's like does she even know what pooping IS

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

today

today my mama says i am a terrible two

that is peoples for i am extra super special because it is my birthday

my mama and me we went out for a birthday walk and i found the biggest stick in all of canadia and did victory laps all over the golf course

it snowed today so the only tracks were bunny tracks and mama tracks and tracks made by ME daisy mae

did you know there is a house by the golf course that smells like kitties

it is true i know because i sniffeded it

sometimes

sometimes when i walk up the street in the snow and then i walk back down i find these backwards footprints that smell JUST LIKE ME

i am not even making this up

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

in winter

in winter my golf course turns into a tabula rasa

this is a concept invented by an old english people named jonlock

he said THERE ARE NO INNATE IDEAS which meant all the golfers had to go home so the snow could come turn everything like white paper

i like to fill my tabula with things like running in the snow and snorfling the snow and eating the snow and digging a little hole in the snow and putting my nose in it and smelling the snow

they are my very best ideas

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

i do not

i do not like to poop in the cold

my mama says this is going to be a problem

we are back in canadia and my mama bought me a new toy for the new year and it is an indestructible squeaky ball with feet and i have already eaten the feet off

indestructible is peoples for more satisfying to destroy